Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
