why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
