Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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