I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
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i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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