Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
