I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
