we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
