I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
