I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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