Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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