the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
