4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
