Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
