but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
