haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
