Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
