Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
