I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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