Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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