Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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