how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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