I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
