i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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