Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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