why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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