guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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