My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
