honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
