Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
