The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
