in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
