And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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