She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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