Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I want is dick and wine.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
