My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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