I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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