One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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