cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
