I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
