I bet he comes in French.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize