summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
