you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
