I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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