So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
