Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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