Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
