I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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