i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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