i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
