..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
