please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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