I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
