Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
