I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
