Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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