No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize