tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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