I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
