I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
