I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
